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(Guest post by James :))
6 weeks of daddy daycare has come to an end and it's finally starting to hit me. It has been a crazy experience that I honestly never really thought I would go through. I used a total of 8 weeks of paternity leave for Zion. The first 2 weeks once he was born, and 6 more weeks when Grace returned back to work. We've been so fortunate to be able to watch over Zion ourselves without the need of childcare for his first 8 months of life and it has been such a blessing to have bonding time with him. While it definitely wasn't a walk in the park, it truly was such a blast to spend (semi) uninterrupted time as father and son.
Being new to fatherhood, sleep deprived, and watching Grace nurture over him 95% of the time, it was hard to develop a bond with Zion when he was first born, as I was still trying to figure out my role in these early stages. Fortunately I was told by a friend that it is normal to feel this way, and as time passed on, our bond and relationship developed more and more (maybe it was because Zion would always giggle around me, self proclaiming myself as the "fun one".) I was also able to work from home a majority of the time, which allowed me to take breaks and play with Zion periodically in the day. I can't imagine life pre-covid, and being away from the family from before Zion even wakes up, to coming home and only seeing him for just a few hours before his bedtime.
Grace held down the fort for the first 7 months of Zion's life, dealing with the hardest times (sleepless nights, scrounging for food, cooking, cleaning, etc all during Zion's short naps), and it wasn't until I took the reins to realize how exhausting it was. Fortunately, by the time I started to watch over Zion, he had a pretty routine schedule in place (+/- 15-30min). He would wake up at 7, be awake for 3 hours, nap 1 hour, awake 3 hours, nap 1 hour, awake 4.5hrs, bedtime. It was very predictable and his consistent naps allowed me to take a breath. We would always try to go out during his second wake stint. Whether it be getting groceries, going to the mall, or other shopping plazas, he was always a trooper and remained (mostly) calm in the stroller. I've always seen some memes or posts on how it's "expected" for moms to take out their kids, but when dads do it, it's something special, and I definitely experienced this first hand. Every time we were out, I would get a minimum of two compliments from complete strangers saying how cute Zion is (typically from older woman), or even asking me if I needed help with my groceries. I asked Grace if she ever would receive these compliments or ask if she needed help, and her encounters were much lower. The stereotypes are real... dad's taking their kids out is definitely perceived to be more precious/sweet.
This experience also opened my eyes as I "walked a mile in her shoes". When I was working, I would ask myself "why didn't Grace do this when she had all day?" or "why does she need a break/alone time, she's had so many breaks during the day?". I watched Zion in an "easier" stage of his life (longer and consistent naps), and I would still be exhausted by the afternoon. The first few weeks, I would even ask Grace to take Zion out for a quick walk after work as I passed out on the living room floor. I also now understood why Grace would come into the room while I was working, just to say hi. Even being the more "introverted" person I am, I would long for some sort of adult conversations and wanting to go talk to Grace during any break from meetings that she had. No matter the situation, it's always easy to say you have it harder, and I caught myself thinking why Grace isn't doing more to help clean, do chores, or even watch Zion for 15min to give me a break in the day, but the reality is, when I was working (especially when it got busy), I did not have the time or energy outside of a full day of work. I had to take a step back and remember how hard it was for me, and that doing some of these small items would remove one more thing to stress over. I can't say I did everything around the house during these 6 weeks, but it at least made me appreciate acts of service a little more.
It was a little sad at first, but I love seeing Zion reach his arms out to Grace whenever he sees her after a long day. Even though I'm the "fun one" and can always make him laugh, nothing can take away the bond a child has with their mothers. She is definitely the "comforter" and can always calm him down when he starts to get fussy. It has been such an amazing experience and can't believe how fast these 6 weeks went by. I know I am extremely lucky to have had this time with Zion and can't imagine how our lives would be without him. Hopefully he's not becoming too attached to us as we approach the "stranger danger" phase.... I'm also secretly hoping he'll be just as excited when he sees me again once I'm at work all day!