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It's hard to believe that Zion is already a month old.
These days feel like the longest, shortest season and though I constantly tell myself to (wake up first...) bask in the moment and bottle it up, I still find time slipping through my fingers.
The first two weeks were a steep adjustment - figuring out micro-routines (because real routines still don't exist) on changing/eating/sleeping sequences to diligently logging every feed and poop. We were sleepless zombies but in the best of ways. Even during the frequent night feeds and changes, I couldn't help but smile seeing his sweet face.
Our biggest challenge the first week was tackling his jaundice and weight gain. He had lost 4% of his body weight within 24hrs of birth and another 4% by the 48hr mark. His jaundice was high but not high enough for treatment when we were discharged. We were scheduled for a newborn care visit 1 day post discharge due to his high jaundice levels and when we checked in, his weight had dropped another 4% by the 72hr mark with jaundice levels still not dropping. Up until this point, I was breastfeeding exclusively but my milk had not come in yet. To help flush the jaundice out, the nurse told us to start supplementing with formula until his weight returned and jaundice dropped.
Breastfeeding has been (and honestly continues to be) daunting. Personally, it was the emotional and mental battle rather than the physical adjustment that has been challenging. When the nurse told me to start supplementing, my stomach dropped I constantly find myself second guessing whether Z is getting enough milk, whether the frequency is too little or too much, whether he is comfort feeding or actually hungry, ... the list goes on. On top of that, the waiting game for milk supply to kick in despite all efforts really causes a mama to feel insecure about her ability to provide for her child. Through all of this, I'm starting to come out on the other end and now nursing is one of my most cherished moments with him.
In the first week, we went back to the newborn center 4 times and finally the jaundice broke! We were so relieved to not have to go back to the hospital and to see our little man plump up again :)
We were fortunate to have my parents in town helping the first two weeks - mostly to help nurse my body back with alllll the Chinese soups. James' parents came into town around the two week mark and switched off which allowed both sets of grandparents some quality time with Z. Seeing the grands meet him for the first time and dote on him will be one of the sweetest moments.
The last two weeks have been a slow adjustment to the new normal and a chance for us to really take in this chapter of our lives. Z has been growing so quickly and changing everyday that I'm trying not to blink (or sleep) so I don't miss a beat. Below are some favorites:
The way my hand fits the length of his back perfectly to hold him when nursing
His overhead super man stretches accompanied by smacking of the lips after a satisfying feed
How he holds tightly onto your fingers when he's in distress
His crinkle face face right before he lets out a series of toots
The way he cries and crinkles his face right before a series of sharts (we can't distinguish between this and the above yet)
The way he locks eyes with us as though he now knows who he belongs to
The way he still prefers being curled up in a ball and sleeping belly side on our chest
The way he lunges at "food" to calm him down
The way he is soaking up the environment around him during tummy time on the play mat
How little he looks when he's swaddled up
Seeing James interact with him ... doing just about anything
Sweet Z, we can and cannot wait for you to grow up!